Advice

[Just_Me]

Since your friendship with this younger woman is something you can take or leave- why don't you leave it for at least a while.

I have left it. We still have to speak for work purposes, but I make a point to not even make small talk.

Let the friend know what is going on so she won't feel hurt and maybe tell your W that you've decided to not hang around with her until you W feels better about things

I did that also. She was initially upset, but after understanding how I had made things worse, she saw my wife's point and was fine with that.

Does your W know that the friend is in a serious R?

Yes. She doesn't think it can be all that serious if she's doing things like that. And I have told her everything, she just doesn't believe it.

What are the circumstances of your D? Who left who and why?

We are a blended family and had a lot of problems integrating and with my treatment of her kids. Things were rocky and she met someone else online that gave her what she needed. I worked on my issues, but I find I still need work in those areas. The thing that makes it hard to keep my changes going is when I'm under this pressure from her, I don't actively make as much effort in the areas I worked to correct. I get upset about all these accusations, there are hard feelings, and I'm then more short-tempered with her kids (and my own occasionally as well, but clearly not as much).

Is this jealousy related to something from your previous R with your W before the the D?

Yes, on many levels. For one, she knows how a person can find themselves in an affair. Secondly, her first husband cheated on her repeatedly and she knows what a guilty person looks like (just like I acted). Third, she has friends that have experienced affairs recently. Fourth, she writes on, and reads this board, so is surrounded with yet more stories of infidelity. I've got the deck stacked against me in convincing her that nothing has ever gone on and never will. I didn't even want a relationship with this girl or the others from work even when I was completely free and single. Why would I now?

Thank you for the advice and support. I know it sounds like I'm, "tried that, didn't work" to the advice, but I'm willing to turn over these rocks again if I thought it would help. I'm just looking for some more rocks also.