Just a couple of thoughts.... have you ever looked into Alanon? (AA for families of alcoholics). You might get some useful information to help you deal with the alcoholism and your marriage. I would think the alcoholism may be effecting your husband's libido and porn is helping him with this.... any chance of a medical problem? That might be something to discuss with a doctor.

I wish there was some magic for this. I'm glad you're doing things for you and working on your life... and also trying to consider what's best for your children.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.