Michelle, My husband walked out in July. Since then, he has been here every day, either in the morning,evening or both, so our children won't know we're separated.(they are ages 3 and 5) He originally got an apt., decided it was too expensive and now spends nights either on my couch or at his sister's house. He insists he eventually wants a divorce.(has every lame reason that I see on all the other posts. I think the main reason is I got totally over involved in being a mother and made him feel unloved and undesired) We are going to counseling, supposedly so we can resolve our issues with each other and maintain a friendly relationship for our kids' sake. My H admitted to me and the therapist that he is depressed. The therapist knows that I don't want the divorce and is gently trying to show my husband that people and situations can change for the better and to not be so negative about life. I think the C sees a chance to save the M but I don't know if my husband is too stubborn and self pitying to ever give in.(he's got an addictive personality - although he is sober now,and as he himself admitted, addicts like to create chaos in their lives.) My question is, do I allow him to see our children every day and be in our lives constantly or am I letting him have his cake and eat it too? If I give him an ultimatum to make a decision to stay or go, (after the holidays) I'm afraid it will force him to save face and completely separate. Once we tell the kids and hurt them like that, I'm afraid there's no going back. Should I hold off because he is going to weekly counseling with me, knowing I ultimately want to work things out? Other than the counseling, I am DBing and I never beg, cry or talk about him coming back. I'm so afraid that my urge to ask him to make up his mind is my impatience and I'll be sorry if I push. On the other hand, some of my friend's tell me he'll go on like this forever, because he has the best of both worlds. Thanks, Joan16
