thanks for the well wishes. I'm pretty certain they all will come through.
Things are still progressing towards to positive. It's an amazingly slow process but little milestones are there to tell me we're moving forward.
It's amazing how easy they'd be to miss if I wasn't looking for them though. This whole process is an amazing thing.
Yesterday we had a little fight. But it was good. She has been out of the habit of keeping me informed of her plans. Little things but it comes across as sneaky. It's residue from the days when she insisted that telling me what she planned to do each day was an infringement on her freedom. That Hippie %@#$% she got from her T. So yesterday when I get back from my jog her brother is there and it appears as if she has plans. I get angry and she asks me why. I tell her I was not informed she was taking the day off. she says she had. Anyway oncce it was all out in the open things got better real fast.
What I find amazing is the change after a makeup. We're not quite to makeup sex yet but I certainly understand the concept now. That was something that would have never been possible in the old days. Fighting can be good.
We had a discussion the other day over something that's been brewing for awhile.
Oftentimes I end a statement with the word "Right"
For a few months she sometimes mimics me when I do this. I ask why. She's never responded. She seems a little pretentious when she does this.
So she does it again and I ask. This time she tells me. she says I use the word "Right" a lot and I mean differnet things when I say it. Sometimes I'm looking for feedback sometimes not. But the problem is that I'm throwing ideas out so fast that when I say "right" she hasn't had time to process what I've said. This makes her feel bad (inferior)
I've thought about this some and she's right. I do say right a lot and I have several meanings of it. Most of time what it means is "are you following what I'm saying". But sometimes it means "do you agree".
I realize that it's similiar to when I'm teaching, I use different phrases to ascertain whether a student is grasping what I'm saying. Phrases are different according to how a student learns (visual, auditory, kinetic, etc). But I talk fast and hope people keep up with me.
I'm excited when I teach just like I'm excited when I'm putting together an idea.
My students always say I can blow their minds in under five minutes. Most of them can't handle me for more than that. I guess that must be hard to be around as a mate.
My wife relayed this to me a few weeks ago. I had just walked out of the room and a woman (who is my business partner in another business) asks my wife how she can handle me 24/7. My wife replies "Oh it's fine once you just accept that he's always right"
Now if you weren't there I'm sure you'd think she was being fascetious. Saying I'm a know it all. But she wasn't, She was totally messing with this woman.
However putting all this together I've realized how much it must not feel good to be around as a spouse. My mind goes a mile a minute and she has a hard time keeping up. She relayed this in her separation letter to me. Basically how stupid I make her feel (I know realize what she was saying)
I see it around me a lot. When I teach sometimes people will actually hold their heads. Many say I make their brain hurt. But they come back for more because they know how good I make them.
But these people take me in small doses. My wife has to deal with it all the time.
I don't know what the solution is or if there is one but at least having it out in the open is a big step.
There's a line from a movie that my wife has been quoting for a long time.
Male voice- "It must be great being the smartest one in the room"
