Forgive me if I may be off the mark here. Just some thoughts.
First, the word that comes to mind is "primal." Just something to think about.
Quote: Months ago she would have asserted her independence and freedom by staying gone for the weekend. I think that is very different now. She seems to have done a 180.
This is good. She seems to be getting more comfortable with the sitch as time goes on. I still think that it will take ACTION and not some level of comfort for you to get over that hurdle and for Santa to bring you some...um...Christmas pudding.
Quote: So W says "Well take our late grandmaster for example, he was an expert in a few things but I certainly wouldn't go to him for marital advice. You though (Xue) have the ability to learn anything"
(This is the part where I think I may be off...you judge)
I take this as a tricky statement. I am a similar person and my W thinks similarly of me. She KNOWS I love to read and learn but in the past she didn't respect my "book knowledge." When this marital crisis started, of course I turned to reading everything I could, trying to LEARN what went wrong, what I did wrong, what could be done, etc. She knew that and frowned upon it. She has always been one to think that the right actions/words come via some mystical vehicle powered by passion and intimate knowledge of a person/subject, not because of some text book.
Back to your W. I suspect it's possible she may think the same thing. Either I am way off base or you already knew that. I think this comment was somewhat of a compliment in the overall scheme of things, but an insult where your handling of the marital sitch is concerned.
My W, and I think most WAS's need to KNOW what we are doing is not just some reactive thing we've learned to do because of our current sitch but rather a fundamental shift in who we are, who we want to be.
If my W were to tell me that she knows I can learn anything, in the context of our "issues" over the past year or so, I would probably take it as her way of telling me that she still sees the strings allowing me to fly, that she doesn't quite believe it's for real yet.
The bottom line is that she IS seeing you be a different, better man through all this and that is what's important.
To me, it all leads back to that one thing, and that's that your consistent actions, and maybe one big leap of faith will be what changes her heart for good.
Quote: But this slightest admission that I might know something about how to fix a broken relationship is monumental.
But then again, if you're like me at all, being a "fixer" is one of the problems. I had to learn that my W resented me thinking she was something in need of fixing.
Again, sometimes it's good enough to fix the car without explaining how or why you did it.
I think you are doing GREAT with this toughest of life's challenges. I was just in the company of a couple hundred masters, grand masters and doctors of Martial Arts and it's amazing how many of their stories are filled with struggle and most of all perseverance.
You have that in you not only because of what you've recently learned about yourself, your W, women in general and relationships, but also because of who you've always been as a man. Believe in that as I am sure so many who look up to you do.
