What a very deep and likely very painful realization you have made here. Took a lot of soul searching for that one I am sure. You should know you are strong enough to overcome it - and I worry not that you aren't already processing and getting past it - at whatever pace you think is right...
I continue to be awed and amazed at your patience...
You know, I wanted to follow through a bit on what bj mentioned in her post - re the lingere. Don't know why I feel I need to clarify myself - and I do so appreciate the continued dialog...cannot help myself.
Soooo, to be clear, I was only talking about nice undies - something she could/would wear, that wouldn't be outlandish or necessarily "explicit". My AWAW's favorite PJ's are a silk number - feminine and pracical. I bought her a new pair, impromptu a couple weeks back and it went over well. If I was to buy her something more outlandish, say from Fredricks, I would do so with her...and how cool might that be...
I KNOW for a fact, for me, I almost got (okay DID get) to the point where I was ashamed in some way about my desires for my W. I further now believe that this is NOT good for any relationship. I won't be ashamed of my desire for my W and I will experiment with ways to demonstrate it. In fact, my retort to AWAW on the PJ thing specifically mentioned how I love the way silk PJ's make her a$$ look. There is no reason I should be ashamed of that and if I am, then I am a spineless wuss.
All that said, bj, might it be said that one of the most important things to understand is that you need to KNOW your partner. I'd agree that to not, and then try something like described above is dangerous at best.
In the end, X, what I think you have been hearing here is that you will be the one that needs to lead - you are the one that needs to be in control. If you spend too much time in analysis mode, you miss (and you give up) the chance to be in CONTROL. Your W will always oscillate - key here is to grab the wave and ride.
Sorry to steal your thread Xue. You see, I think we are in similar places sometimes. Always seeming on the edge of something really good - but just don't get there and I think sometimes it is because we lose the control. Take it back and cross that finish line!
Sven.
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
