Hey Xue, Here's my "expert" opinion (exert as a woman that is).
YOur wife is developing her identity. She is taking bits and pieces of ideas from people she admires and/or respects and making them her own. Your wife may be a little immature, and that is why she is still seeking her identity, but she is not being brain-washed. You may not like her feminist bent, but the fact is, she does like it, she tends towards it and she seems to be making it part of the fabric of her life. Xue, you may disagree with her new found outlook, but you love her and this is part of her now.
I have to say that making assumptions about who a woman is based on what a woman chooses to do with her life, her body or her family, is very naive. I mean, breast implants--who cares! What about a tattoo or body piercing...what's the differnce? People do what they do to empower themselves in their own way and I don't think they should be judged. It's possible that your wife is harboring some resentments about motherhood, or traditional roles which, unfortunately, narrow her vision. When we have insecurities within us, we tend to put down people or characteristics which somehow feel threatening.
Don't get me wrong, I am a feminist. To me, this means women should be treated with the same respect as men, should be paid equally for the same job and should be given the same opportunities. I'm also a mother and loved being a wife. I think it is important to recognize and embrace the fact that men and women have many differences--physically and emotioanlly. To deny that is to deny a part of us.
A woman can be strong and influential and wonderful with or without conforming to social norms--They can have tons of plastic surgery if they want and it makes no difference. Women get implants for a lot of reasons by the way--not just to look like a porn star (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Anyway, Xue, the point of writing you is that I think it would be naive of you and a disservice to your wife, to assume that her ideals are a passing phase or just the bad influence of someone else. Also, if she feels you do not take her seriously, she may grow to resent you. I think it is okay to disagree without invalidating her feelings.
Here's hoping you get some soon buddy, It's like watching a Slooowwwwwwww chess game.
Best, Althea (H filed today--Nov 1st--and I'm A-okay with it)
