Thanks Michele for the books and to all of YOU out there ... I have not posted before, but I really want everyone to know that I appreciate all of the advice you have given to others.
I am at a loss of what step to take next... but being unavailable seems to be the next course of action... MLC... big time... I try not to talk too much when he gets home from work, and I stopped asking about his day... then he usually tells me something... but he has stopped complaining so much about work (hates his job)
I did have a phone consult with Arnold, and the Monday after that is when my H took off his ring..but I did try one of Arnold's suggestions, and there was no reaction... and when we had OR talk (initiated by him) about removing the ring, I asked if what I did bothered him... and he said "no" so, like everything I try... no reaction...
In taking off his wedding ring... he said I didn't seem to believe he was serious about a D, and in taking off the ring I'd have to believe him.... well, I believed him, I was just acting as if everything was going to be ok... but in not being depressed, and instead continuing to be upbeat and "happy" (yeah, right... he doesn't see me during the day!) I guess I was supposed to go back to being the way I was before I read DR, and be that clingy, crying, depressed person (9 months of that garbage of NOT being myself) And with an epiphany... the lights go on! I am back to my old self... that isn't good enough either. Is he jealous that I have the will power to change over night? Jealous that I found my old self, and he still is in La la land? Oh, and it seems like things have only gotten worse since I did the 180 back to myself... which is not necessarily a bad thing, it's good for me, and much more pleasant for him to come home to. We are still in the same house...,different bed rooms; he is hoping to get a new job, and he agreed to make one change at a time, but I am beginning to doubt that he will follow through with making one change at a time... and if the job is out of state.. he wiil leave...which may be the very best thing for him, oh, and maybe me...too. It seems that the more I distance myself, the further away he pulls, too... the more I say, "have a good time" the more he goes out...but he doesn't go out that much... I was gone over the weekend, and he pretty much stayed home and watched movies, and he had the perfect opportunity to go out "on the town"... I'd have never known. I am hoping that my husband is so confused (heck, I know he is) with my DB'ing..and along with the MLC, he doesn't know how to react... so he pulls away even more... I don't know any more what he is thinking... "ET phone home"... I did tell him about DR and the MLC chapter, and I know that there is a lot of debate about whether or not this is a good idea. But the night he gave me the D letter, I lost all perspective... but started DBing again the next day, and have not stopped. Oh, we have been together almost 30 years. kids are grown and gone... We were one of those couples whose marriages worked.. we got along so well... until recently, but even now, we seem to be getting on fine and he agrees we are... I guess I don't "need" any advice, but your support and continued postings to all of us... and encouragement... it is all greatly appreciated. TC
[ November 07, 2001: Message edited by: tiredcheerleader ]
