So sorry I didn't hook up with you. I really tried to find the time to look you up but it was a whirlwind trip. I had originally planned on flying but that didn't work out. We ended up driving and the extra 24 hours on the road really killed any free time we had planned. Ended up we drove straight thru the night, Trained hard for two days and then got in the car and drove back. Not much time for anything.
The good news is it looks like I'll probably be up your way every few months or so. And now that I am more familiar it will be easier to make plans to meet you. So definetely next time.
So on to my saga.
EExciting news!!!
I'm nervous and bristling.
Yesterday we had to go out of town. We were helping put on a haunted house. I told W that our friends had offered to let us stay at their house. She said "Why don't we just get a hotel". Funny thing is she had already planned this.
I thought this a little interesting as the town was only an hour away.
So when we get there she looks for a hotel and we cannot secure one
She's being very friendly.
So finally it's time to don our costumes. We grab them from the car and walk towards the dressing room. I'm feeling something different going on here.
I stop at the door of the dressing room and let her go in. I'm respecting her privacy, we have not dressed in front of each other in nearly 3 years. She turns around and says "C'mon"
We go inside and I undress and she helps me with my costume. I see her start to unbutton her pants but I can tell she's a little nervous. She hesitates. Then she steps behind me and undresses. I turn around like it's nothing and continue our conversation.
Until yesterday I hadn't seen my wife in her scivees in 3 years!!!
Her legs are beautifully shaven and smooth
So I help her dress and act like it's nothing.
We finish helping each other dress and leave the dressing room. Of course you know what I really wanted to do.
Bummer we couldn't find a room. I'm pretty confident I know what would have happened.
Her whole body language had changed. She almost seemed to tease me. When people took pictures of us she snuggled in close (Not the typical stand offish elbow sticking out just a bit so we don't touch)
I feel really wierd writing this.
I'm all nervous and tingly like oh I don't know, a virgin.
Sounds like you are close to something.... good stuff. Take bj's advice - make a move.
I hear you loud and clear on where you head is at. If you believe the Mars/Venus for FMO stuff at all - men seek something deeper - of significance - especially true in the bedroom too. When our spouses extinguish it - it can really mess with your head - at least it did (and still does) with mine.
But the way out of that is to look deep - say "Dammit, I'm a man, I can handle this...I am not ashamed of my desires toward my W and I am going to show her..."
So try testing the waters - build a fantasy for your W. Buy her some new PJ's, undies, whatever...tell her you want to see her in them...tonight. Take her on a fantasy trip X - you can do it. And see what happens....
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Been a long time between my posts to you but I have to agree with the idea that you just need to go for it, whatever it may be. It took me a LONG time to get to that point and recently I did, and it worked like I'd been told it would. She responded VERY strongly to my assertion and it took my just saying "f--k it" and TRULY not caring if I was rejected. I let her know I wanted her, and HOW I wanted her and the rest is recent history. We went from nothing for the better part of a year to just about every other day in the past two+ weeks.
Even in our best of times, it was about once a week, maybe once every two weeks.
All I can say is that my W CLEARLY was waiting for me to just DO something without asking, without seeking her permission and a LARGE part of that had to do with verbally communicating exactly what I wanted to do and why. She LOVED me telling her what I was thinking about and that first time, I just started doing it around dinner time. I was not sophomoric or crude, just open and honest about what she did to me in "that way". I did not come off as desperate, but rather very sure of myself and sure of what I wanted.
I never in a million years would have believed this would result in anything other than the 1,000th "shut down" in the last year but dammit if it did. I thought I had done all this before but even as I was doing it, it felt different, and must have actually BEEN different to her because when bedtime came around, she could hardly wait.
I don't know your W, nor am I 100% familiar with your sitch but one thing I realized after this experience is that I don't know MY wife as much as I thought either so my advice is that no matter what you think your W may or may like, or what she did or didn't like in the past, just DO something. Make a move.
You are absolutely right in that we men are conditioned by all the rejection but I can so clearly see I was rejected in the past because I wasn't even trying. I was just throwing it out there, kinda like "Hey W, wanna have sex" as I was watching TV, or getting ready for bed. I did almost NOTHING to entice her, to show her my passion for her, to, as BJ said, paint a fantasy picture for her, which I come to find out is VERY important to my W, and maybe many women, maybe your W too.
These days I have learned how to talk to my W in such a way that she can't help but at least get a little turned on. Since my W has always told me I talk too much, you can imagine my surprise in finding out that all this time she just wanted me to talk to her, tell her how I felt looking at her, what I wanted to do to/with her, what I wanted HER to do to me, etc. She LOVES all that, and more than that, she has things in her mind I WOULD HAVE NEVER, EVER guessed and damn if it's not great. I always thought we men were the dirty minded ones, the dirty mouthed ones...wow was I wrong!
The key to it all was me verbally letting her know I was passionate, NOT just horny. I had to take a risk and express my "sexual" soul and once I did that I think she felt ok with opening up herself, no pun intended...or maybe it was.
X, I think you can do this but you have to overcome some of what I think you and I share, and that is a learned gentlemanly quality that makes us feel like we need permission before going down certain paths. We don't. They'll tell us if we get out of line or they aren't interested but it's up to us to risk that rejection. I think they find that sexy as hell.
I almost feel bad speaking from the position of recently getting over the same hump you are struggling with. I don't know it all, but I do know that it took almost everything I had to do what you are being told to do, and that's to just do it, go for it and take the risk.
We all think she wants you to but you know what, it doesn't matter if she does or not, YOU want to and you need to let her know in ways you never did before.
just make a move one of those I like you hot and sweaty moves
the whole buying sexy lingerie implies I think your ok but you would look better in this - this is where a lot of males go wrong thinking females like the idea of sexy lingerie
hell no we want you to want us when we are at our worse and we can buy our own sexy lingerie
take it from me don't buy her anything in exchange for a romp in the hay take the advise of someone who while watching tv said 'hey you wanna?'
Good point and thanks for giving that venusian point of view. Good stuff.
I think we all want to see X succeed - what I guess I was getting at was for X to take control of the situation and I guess I should have said "X, buy yourself some new pj's" - then make your move.
GH left a great post - and he is taking control of the situation and reaping the benefits. Read his post again X and then make a move and worry not about the outcome.
I hate to steal your thread, but question for bj or any other women out there - please explain or confirm/deny that buying clothes is completely taboo. On the occasions where I have, it has worked tremendously well. Of course I've always gone for stuff that is more elegant than "dirty" - in fact AWAW was recanting with a friend on the phone the other day about the time I bought her a dress, asked her to wear it on our next date - and she was talking about how great that was - in large part because I was controlling the situation (it seemed).
Just thinking out loud....
Sven
X - you make that move yet?
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
