Thanks for checking in on me in my absence. W and I just got back last night from our big Kung Fu adventure. It was a fun but exhausting weekend.
Since the weekend had a Buddhist theme to it we listened to a cd by the Dalai Lama and read to each other in the car. It was a 12 hour drive so plento of time to absorb. Lot's of info on issues she has been working on (and me too). He spoke a lot on marriage and relationships. Good stuff.
It's so confusing. Sometimes I think all is good, we've solved our marriage problems. She kisses me like everything is good. Then every once in awhile she kinda turns her head to the side a bit and half kisses me.
We seem to engage perfectly as a married couple. We are best friends, love to hang out with each other. Totally look out for each other's best interests. We are proud to be each others mates. She looks to me for strength and values my opinion. When she tells a story to someone else she always looks into my eyes as she tells the story.(hmmm I'll need to think about that). And we have learned to fight. We no longer hold things in when we shouldn't (I think)
Even our future talk is good now. I's are now we's. She no longer talks in the selfish controlling manner she did many months ago.
Yet she sleeps on the couch and does not wear her wedding ring.
I was affected a little more over the weekend because we slept in the same bed while on the road. But it felt like she was miles away. She kept to the side. I wanted so badly to cuddle up but I knew what the response would be.
So I lost sleep over it. There's a bit of a pattern there in me. I am affected by the non-affection and lose sleep. Then when I lose sleep I'm more prone to being affected. I am not as strong when I am tired. On my end this is the only thing I can percieve as affecting things in a negative way.
But there must be more.
Actually after writing this I have some ideas in my head. I will go think on them and come back. They are this "strong woman" thing again.
