Had a fight with W last night. She put me in a bit a position with her "assertiveness" that she is learning. For her it seemed to be about her perception of me making decisions without her. I held my tongue for a couple of hours while I taught some classes but eventually I told her that there is no discussing with her. With her the answer is always no. She thinks she's being assertive but she behaves like a dictatotor "I won't have it" sort of thing. I explained this to her and said "Of course I'm going to make decisions without you, for years you've shot everything down with no discussion. What you think is us making a decision is really you telling it like it is. You get very angry about being left out of a decision but really it's the other way around"
She asked "Do you not want me to take part in decisions"
I said "That's not what I said, I said there are no discussions on it, you don't become part of the decision making process you just demand. So yes I want you to help with decisions but it hasn't really worked that way in the past"
I can tell this was a major issue. She has percieved that she is left out on decisions and this of course makes the problem worse. The more she feels left out, the more she demands, the more I leave her out, the more she demands....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
So anyway in about ten minutes she made her "let's be friends" move and things were good.
However I still have to deal with the dilemna she put me in with her "Saying what she wants" assertiveness. GRRRRR.
Oh well, we've been working together on how to solve it.
Funny, she's trying to learn how to be less of a pushover and it's me becoming less of a pushover.
