quote:
Originally posted by smp26:
I really have a fear of going completely dark and pushing his belief further that I don't care.

He is letting his family run things and they are having his lawyer push this D through as quickly as they can.
Shawn

Shawn, maybe your instinct is telling you not to go completely dark. Sounds like you need some positive interaction between you and your H. Even though we can't control others, we can act as positive as possible around them. You said that you and your H had a good conversation - where he said something about the importance of you becoming friends, and your response was it's hard when he treats you like a criminal and the plague, then you said he agreed. I'm wondering though if your response made him feel badly about himself. I know with my H, even if I spoke the truth, if the truth was unflattering to him, he'd feel like I was "beating him up" mentally. It's hard to walk on eggshells while your heart is hurting. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've learned though that we can still be 'nice' without overcompensating. I went about my own business, and tried really hard to not take my spouses moods personally.

Do you know for fact that his family is pushing for the D? Even if that's the case, I wouldn't bring it up to your H, because again, he could become defensive of his family.

I'm just wondering that if you are positive toward your H and try to shine light on any little good thing he does, then that might open the door for more progress. And if that door opens, his controlling family's opinions will have less clout.

Jen, when H and I wrote up the agreement (from that book) we decided on 6 months. I'm sorry to hear that the separation did not help and that he broke most of the contract.
Even though my H did not follow through with the separation (due to child concerns), I think he still plans on it - but I'm not brining it up! I'm trying to go about my life and hope for the best and not dwell on what the marriage isn't. Feels good to have finally reached this point. (I've been at this almost a year!)