I originally posted this on the topic, new and need help, but realized that this is the thread for your input. I have been posting and getting good advice on the newcomer's BB, but would love your take on things, as nothing I do seems to work. My story:
I read DR cover to cover in one night. While it opened my eyes to a lot of things I had been doing wrong, it doesn't quite compeletly fit, as there is nothing about meddling, controlling in-laws bent on destroying your marriage.
My situation is this. I have been seperated for almost 7 weekss I did not see it coming. My husband has depression and in the MLC stage. We have been having some problems in the last 2 years, especially with his lack of affection towards our son (he's 8), overly strict, and disrespectful of me. I finally gave him an ultimatum in May - go to counseling and parenting classes or I am gone. To my surprise, he had begun seeing a counselor a week before. We met her together once and that is when I first heard the word "depression". He refused medication, but after more counseling and the parenting classes, life was better than it had been in years.
Then it happened, his mother had a stroke, he stopped counseling, his sister moved here a week later and stayed with us. 3 weeks later, 5 days before signing the final papers to buy our new house, I discovered 1/2 of all the money in our accounts had been cleaned out and my husband had disappeared with his sister. After a huge arguement with my mother-in-law, he came back to get his things but insisted that his sister was staying. I told her to leave, a big fight ensued. The next day, as she was finally packing her things, she verbally attacked me (he was not there to witness it, so does not believe me), broke my phone, and told me she and her parents had been planning this for 2 years (right around the time I now see his depression started - when his dad got sick), and that they were going to take my son from me. I freaked and called the police. I got a restraining order against her. The day after she was served, my husband filed for divorce and refuses to speak to me or communicate in any way. He was forced to talk to me about our house and things as our lease was up and we both needed to move everything out, and I tried to talk to him. It seemed as if he was beginning to soften a bit and consider counseling when his sister pulled another trick. She called my bank, claiming to be me and tried to get information on my account and our joint account. The bank called the police and that was it for the bit of communication we had going, I was the bad guy again.
He has only called our son 5 times since this started, and only at my request or in response to an e-mail from our son. I tried writing to him, to no avail, he has turned into a robot, doing only as his parents order. He claims to want to be alone, but is living with his sister, who is jobless, likes to sponge off others, and knows he has money. he is not getting away from their influence. I know now that what I was doing was pursuing, and have stopped that.
His mother is a control freak, both her children claim to hate her, yet always do as she says. She admitted she never liked me because she cannot control me. She tried to get my parents to talk me out of the marriage because I was "not good enough" for their son. for 10 years I tried to deal with these people.
For the last 2 years I had been fooled into thinking that the illnesses had brought about a change in their attitudes towards me. I thought we had really gotten close and had grown to truly love them. All they while they were playing on my husbands guilt and feelings over his parents illnesses, working on controlling him again. I know I go on about my in-laws alot and I do blame them for a big piece of our problems, but I am also hurt very badly. I came to love these people and they betrayed me. I not only lost my H, I lost 4 people who were very important to me in the process.
I know that the things he's done is not really the man I've loved for the last 12 years. It's as if he's been replaced. When I asked him about his sister's threat to take our son, his response was monotone "I can neither confirm nor deny that statement". I almost fell over - it was honestly as if I was speaking to an alien.
I don't know if the 180 or last resort techniques will even work, as we now have no communication whatsoever. What advice can you give me? I desperately want to save my marriage and get my husband back from his "family".
He refuses to see our son unless I let him have him alone for a whole day, I can't do that. I have no custody papers yet and can't trust that he will bring him back. He also has a road rage problem, he's talked of suicide and drives like he's trying to get himself killed. This is taking an awful toll on my son.
I have been DB'ing before I knew what it was about, trying to make myself better for me and for him. I went back to school part-time, I stopped biting my nails, starting caring more about my hair, trying to lose weight, trying to take more of an interest in his hobbies. He acknowledged none of it. I have stopped all contact with him, but I don't even think he notices.
As angry as I was at first, I miss him even more every day. How, how, how do I proceed?
Thank you (and I apologize for the length of this post!)
