Yazzie Girl and Wintergirl, Isn't it interesting, you both are noticing positive changes? GREAT!!!! I'm very happy. And I want to say that you are both terrific women for being able to be solution-oriented during this tough time. Good for you. Plus, you are so willing to look inward for solutions rather than blame, hold grudges and diagnose your spouses. You are true models for DBing! Thanks for sharing your stories and experiences here.
I have a suggestion- if your husband is mean-spirited and says things that make you angry or hurt, rather than hang up or set limits like you might under "normal circumstances"...you might consider saying something like, "When you say that to me, it really hurts my feelings. I don't expect you to change necessarily, I need to change. I feel I need to protect myself so I don't feel so vulnerable to the things you say."
It's hard for a husband to become defensive in return when you talk about feeling hurt rather than saying "I'm not going to put up with this anymore." Just a thought.
Thanks, WIntergirl, with sharing your very practical ideas with Yazzie, it's this kind of exchange that truly helps people achieve their goals. Michele
