Harmony, You certainly are doing your homework. You've got a wonderful plan that I agree with wholeheartedly. I am impressed with your ability to set a goal and have a plan and stick with it even under trying circumstances. You should feel proud of yourself for sure.
I also love the fact that you have done what I've suggested, ask yourself what role the OP plays in your husband's life. That's a really hard question. Your answer is very insightful.
Obviously, it's hard to compliment him on his values right now, however, despite his confusion, he is home with you, and, from his perspective, working on your marriage. It may not be to your liking completely, but nonetheless, he's there. If you find yourself able to say something like, "I know this must be difficult/confusing for you sometimes, but I admnire your commitment to being here working things out in our marriage" (or something like that), that would be great. If you're right about his need to be admired being fulfilled by the OW, taking this stance might help facilitate things.
However, I really like your back-up plan. It will give you strength.
You're on the right track.....Keep up the good work! Michele
