LDW just can't get it together

[RJ]

"How can you have your pudding, if you don't eat your meat?"

That's from a Pink Floyd album (The Wall?) isn't it? Ah, brings back memories.

I think a large part of it is in the attitude. If it comes from a place of "I know that we're not having sex as often as you would like. I want to work on that with you. When you say mean things to me in anger, it makes it very hard for me to be close to you. I want to be close to you emotionally and sexually, are you willing to work on this with me?"

If it's more of a "You sorry SOB, you expect me to drop my drawers everytime you get a woody, but you treat me like sh!t all the time. No woman would ever want to have sex with you under these conditions!"

In the beginning I used the first approach. It really hurt me that he could say things to me like that and I wanted him to know exactly how this made me feel and the effect it had on my relationship with him. I used to be reasonable and rational, but after years after banging my head against a brick wall I started using the second approach. He just can't see how the things he says can be so hurtful and disrespectful. He thinks that you 'should just get over it' and continue on your merry way. To me it is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. It's too hard to forget that this person you love thinks/thought that you are a piece of dirt. Plus once you do it, it's too easy to do it again and again.
The saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' is such a load of bull, they can be just as damaging emotionally. I can't believe I was taught this when I was a kid.