quote:Originally posted by Michele: This doesn't mean that you should completely withdraw. Nor does the LRT mean that either. ... getting a grip on your own life and being more upbeat.
Re-read page 130. I wrote that if your spouse starts to show interest, readers should "Be loving in return, but do not become overly excited or enthusiastic."
Thanks Michele, I did re-read that page and get it now. I am able to do this now and actually have seen baby steps. What you said about getting a grip on our own lives is the key, imo, and because I have done this, I am able to do what you've suggested. Also, being on antidepressant - something I've resisted, has helped me cope with reality. It hasn't changed it - but helps me cope.
To Yazzie...I'm no expert but have gone through something similar to you. My H would still talk to me about his concerns (i.e. work) but was not receptive to mine. (He is more receptive now but that only happened recently and after I let go of my expectations for him). About going totally dark and avoiding your H's calls, that's what I meant when I asked the question about "overdoing" the 180 or LRT. If your H is trying to contact you, and he is nice, reward him by being nice in return. Keep your expectations low and realize that he needs to make baby steps too. If he is displacing anger on you, could you tell him politely that you won't tolerate it - then you leave the room or if on the phone say, I'm not listening to this, goodbye, click? I think the key is to not fall into the defensive trap when anger is being displaced on us. Do you actually fear your spouse though? If so, then I'd think going totally dark, because of safety concerns, would make sense.
