Quote: So, part of the problem is physiological but a lot of it is mental.
H has always been pretty grabby and it REALLY started getting to me when I was breastfeeding. I just wanted to knock his block off when he touched me. I still really don't like him touching my breasts.
Often he will lose his temper because he is so frustrated and we have horrible arguments where he will say the most awful things to me (many times in front of the kids which disgusts me). I'm sure our whole neighbourhood knows about our sex life or lack of. Why would I want to have sex with someone who does this?
I have bought toys, looked at soft porn and read 'steamy' books. There is sometimes a 'flicker' but the 'fire' never really gets going.
I am absolutely aware of the impact this is having on him. But I am conflicted with my own emotions. This is where I find it hard to come at Michele's 'just do it' philosophy. I don't want to do this to him, but I don't want to have sex just for the sake of keeping him happy while making myself miserable. Plus, he doesn't want me to do that either.
Hi, RJ!
What if you approached it as a problem that the two of you are contributing to and that the two of you will have to work on to reach a solution?
Your husband shouldn't be ripping you verbally (in front of the kids or otherwise). But, it might help you build some empathy for him (which isn't a bad place to start toward a solution) by reading some of the painful posts here written by men who love their wives, tolerate a massive amount of BS, and are regularly rejected for sex and treated like a boor at the same time.
It could start as simply as you telling your husband that you know it is an issue. That it is an issue you want to deal with with him. Let him know what would help (ie. not grabbing your breasts, not yelling at you) and let him know what you are going to work on (ie. sex every Saturday).
Someone has to start the process. Someone has to take the lead. Why not you?
