A strange thing happened the other day when H got home from work. He was acting fine. I didn't believe it as he would usually come home in a foul mood, so I pressed him about what happened that morning. He said, 'don't tell me you've been thinking about that all day! You work yourself up over nothing!'. Well that's all good, but I was very surprised as every other time something like this happens he will be mad at me for days if not weeks. It would make a huge difference to our relationship if he has changed the way he deals with rejection. It may possibly lead to him being rejected less. Stewing about my lack of desire only makes it worse.
Sex in the beginning used to be great. I remember not being able to get enough of it! These days I just don't see what all the fuss is about. Having kids really messed up my hormones and today they are still not right. The only thing the doctor's have recommended is going back on the pill to regulate me. I was on the pills for years before and for a short time after we had the kids and it definitely doesn't help in the libido department.
So, part of the problem is physiological but a lot of it is mental.
H has always been pretty grabby and it REALLY started getting to me when I was breastfeeding. I just wanted to knock his block off when he touched me. I still really don't like him touching my breasts.
Often he will lose his temper because he is so frustrated and we have horrible arguments where he will say the most awful things to me (many times in front of the kids which disgusts me). I'm sure our whole neighbourhood knows about our sex life or lack of. Why would I want to have sex with someone who does this?
I have bought toys, looked at soft porn and read 'steamy' books. There is sometimes a 'flicker' but the 'fire' never really gets going.
I am absolutely aware of the impact this is having on him. But I am conflicted with my own emotions. This is where I find it hard to come at Michele's 'just do it' philosophy. I don't want to do this to him, but I don't want to have sex just for the sake of keeping him happy while making myself miserable. Plus, he doesn't want me to do that either.
When I read virginwife's question about 'what is your idea of a good sex life?' the first thing that popped into my head was 'none!'. That's so terrible. How the hell did it get this way?
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
