Don't mean to be harsh, but I can pretty much guarantee you based on the interactions you have described that if you tell him "go have sex with someone else" and he does, he is going to have a full-blown EA/PA and will start "checking out" of your marriage. If he is of the sort that will not seek sex outside of marriage no matter what (even with the "blessing" of his W), then your comment is going to create an enormous gulf between you and him.
Again, I hope you don't think me harsh by saying this. But can you see how telling him to go have sex outside the marriage is breaking your marital vows as surely as if he had gone ahead and had an affair without your knowledge? I'm not saying you MUST have sex with your H right away, obviously you two have issues you need to deal with first. But I really hope you see that telling him to get his needs met outside the M is the last thing you want to do if you want your M to be healthy.
Best wishes Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
