Harmony, I'm not surprised you're confused because you're in a very difficult situation. The chapter on infidelity begins with a step-by-step map for healing from the betrayal when both spouses are eager to get their marriage back on track. The next section refers to people whose spouses won't give up their affairs. It's clear from what you wrote that your h doesn't fit the first category; that he isn't willing to be supportive or reassuring in order to win back your love. He just wants you to drop it.
Without knowing more about what you've tried in regards to getting him to be more responsive to you, it seems that his commitment to the marriage is questionable. Is that right?
If he isn't fully committed to the marriage, pushing him about being forthcoming and more responsible might just push him out the door. On the other hand, if you set limits in a firm but loving way, he might come through for you. The point is, it's impossible for me to predict which will happen. You should only set firm limits if you're prepared to have him bail out if it doesn't work. That's a decision only you can make. I certainly can understand how you'd want him to shape up- given his irresponsible behavior. But in order for him to take your feelings to heart, he has to want to stay married. So, you're the expert here- you must be the one to decide what happens next. Michele
