It could very well be that I have over-reacted, but then again, my SO has been running me around in circles for the past year, making demands that seem to change as I try to meet them, and then using my "failures" to meet his ever changing needs as reasons why he needs to leave. At some point, the dynamic needs to stop.
As I work on DBing, I am constantly wondering if what I am doing is simply creating conflict. ... our personal growth involves developing the skills to work towards those "solution-oriented" goals.
yazzie, I agree that growth comes from developing DBing skills. I know my heart is in the right place, so if I make a mistake, I won't beat myself up over it. I'm learning all I can with the goal of self improvment in mind, and if I make a mistake, at least it's made toward the goal of a new me and a new and improved marriage.
You say your SO has you running around in circles - well, I think the key is to stop feeding off whatever negative he throws your way - what he says,does etc. Also, we have to give ourselves a pat on the back for trying to have a new and improved marriage, despite inevitable mistakes made along the way. And like it says in Michele's book, we have to think before we speak. That's another goal of mine. I've learned that once I do this, and don't react, it prevents me from getting looped into some negative cycle. It almost seems like a game of chess at times, and we while we can't always know what our SO thinks and will say, we do have control over how we react and act. I know it seems like for some people they feel like they are the only one working on the marriage but feeling that way really accomplishes nothing. (I'm not saying you are like this at all, but rather I was like this but finally wised up!) Best of luck to you!
