Hi Wintergirl: I am wondering the same thing - can 180s and LTR be taken too far? When starting the DBing, especially with a SO who is in the throes of MLC and the "rules" change by the minute, how can you tell what is working, what isn't, and what to try next? I've been reading many of the posts on the MLC threads, and it seems as though the best thing to do in my situation is to simply go dark until SO can figure out what he wants.
This website, Michelle, and all of the wonderful souls who post their experiences and wisdom here, have helped me put some things into perspective, however it is very early in the game and I'm still strugglig with many issues. As with you, Wintergirl, I want very much to find that place where I can return to being the supportive, nuturing creature that I have always been, without becoming a doormat. At least in my case, I suspect that it will take time, patience, and a great deal of skill to work my way back to that place from where I am now, without giving up the safe place I have spent the past two months trying to find. It could very well be that I have over-reacted, but then again, my SO has been running me around in circles for the past year, making demands that seem to change as I try to meet them, and then using my "failures" to meet his ever changing needs as reasons why he needs to leave. At some point, the dynamic needs to stop.
The whole issue of conflict avoidance is interesting, as well. As I work on DBing, I am constantly wondering if what I am doing is simply creating conflict. But perhaps this is part of the DB process? Not sure if this is your situation, Wintergirl, I know it is with my relationship, but perhaps in a relationship where problem-solving skills have been absent, and the method of dealing with problems has been to either avoid them or engage in unresolved conflict (doing more of the same, going down cheeseless tunnels), our personal growth involves developing the skills to work towards those "solution-oriented" goals.
