Thanks for your reply. At first I didn't think that was the answer, because my 180 from the marriage is actually to manage my rage. I would vascillate from, yes, very sweet and gentle to enraged (not violent) when I couldn't seem to get through to him.
I finally realized the last few days that I can be assertive with him also. It's funny, I have no trouble doing that anywhere else (especially work) but for some reason wouldn't let myself find the middle ground with him.
I'm committed to being assertive and expressing my hurt and anger appropriately. This is regardless of what happens about the divorce. Either way I have to stand up to him appropriately. I think I finally get it about being true to myself first.
Thanks for the actually very helpful feedback. Solution-focused helps again
