I've read both DB and DR and found them both insightful andveery helpful.
Brief description of my situation: Married 10 months, separated 4. H and I are in different states, he's at school, i'm at my parents.
H has a history of depression but has not gotten help. He also has low self-esteem and blames himself for all our problems. He won't allow me to take any credit for the way things are, and he feels guilty for hurting me and "ruining" my life.
When we first separated, he was intent on divorce. After not talking to each other for a few months, we are opening communication again. He is now not sure divorce is the answer. However, he is still unsure and doesn't want to get back together for the wrong reasons. His bro & s.i.l. are having their first babies (twins). That has gotten him thinking about us and is afraid that wanting a family is a wrong reason to want to be together.
I heard the same lines most WA's use. He is convinced that he is a bad person and doesn't know why I see any good in him. He is afraid of us getting back together and him hurting me all over again. I'm assuming he is also afraid of not feeling love for me right now.
I love my H and want more than anything to save my marriage. I'm just afraid of doing the wrong thing right now and pushing him further away. I believe he would benefit from therapy. He has been on medication 1x for ~1 month. Stopped after separting since there wasn't any need anymore.
What should I do at this point? I feel like i'm at a critical point and don't want to blow anything. Any suggestions?
For in the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught. - B. Dioum
