Confront her about her affair?

[LuckyLuke]

Hola Sofaraway, Astimegoeson, 12102006, swashy and especially 25yearsmlc (and everyone else),

Thank you for the unexpected birthday wishes - great to have a bunch of friends out there - most appreciated.

Happy belated birthday, 25yearsmlc, you are the only other person I’ve met with the same birthday. Congratulations on getting roses – I envy you – what a nice present for a birthday.

Well, we have two significant events behind us now - our annual Christmas party, this time with 45 people (and we cooked and served it all ourselves, in a completely chaotic, crowded kitchen), and my birthday, just with the family, and quiet. The party had the usual stressful buildup (my W gets crabby and bossy pre-party, somebody you don't particularly want to be with), and the guests showed up before I could change, but that turned out for the good, as I went from sloppy cooking clothes to a full formal black and white tux. According to my W, the entrance was effective (though I just came downstairs again), so racked a small brownie point there. We'd cooked for four or five days, frozen a bunch of stuff, and actually managed to get it on the buffet more or less warm (always a weak point for us). The guests seemed to appreciate it, the Swedish folk music violin group we'd booked played nicely, and the pinata for the kids held together for long enough before breaking to build suspense and satisfy the kids. All in all a good party - my W says the best yet. In a DB context, she mentioned wanting to buy another cake server, so it sounds like there may be another party someday, and we may have a future, at least on that front.

The birthday was low key - we all had to work all day and so first celebrated at dinner. There was a small group of presents (my wife had found a book on antique Japanese money giving envelopes, just down my line, my daughter had written poems, my son had nice wooden cups). For the first time, though, my wife didnt' embrace or kiss me, nothing physical at all then, so it felt empty on that front. Her tone was soft and nice enough (and has been softer over the last months) - maybe that will have to do, baby steps.

Tonight I proposed watching a video, but it was late, so she took a rain check. Not a negative response, at least. Maybe that will be the way forward, a few videos at home together, when the kids are tucked into bed, and then a real date after Christmas, when things are quieter (and our friends have time to watch the kids).

Sofaraway, thank you for the point about standing up in arguments. I didn’t back down in a discussion today about relocating the TV antenna, though my nature is to avoid confrontation. She seems to need confrontation – which I don’t really understand - maybe there is softness and harmony afterwards? I’ll try and work that angle, for which I should have many opportunities, given how testy she can be (a component of this is her losing respect for me, and that should be one way to gain some back).

As for the cat, he hurt himself on something, and had a clean 4 inch cut on his haunch, weirdly not bleeding. He got stitched up on Thursday night, and had the stitches out today, healing nicely. We learned to buy cat health insurance – this relatively minor thing cost a pretty penny – hopefully it won’t be needed.

Hello from a dark and rainy Sweden, sinuous reflections on the water - Luke