Confront her about her affair?

[25yearsmlc]

L,
so glad you're getting all this input. I just have Two comments: First, about talking dirty to her during sex...--Not all women like that, and even those who do, don't ALWAYS want to hear it. We vary quite a bit more. In fact I read somewhere that women vary far more than men do sexually, which makes it all the more difficult for you guys. But again, we do NOT all like the dirty talk before during or after. Some of us do, some of the time. But I do believe we ALL want to feel desired, on many levels.

If you are really unsure about your course of action, and the whole chicken or the egg thing comes up again about who goes first, ("how can I show her I want her if I don't know she desires me?" etc.), means to me you want to KNOW her answer before you "ask" the question. There aren't any guarantees. But isn't that the down side of being a guy in these matters? I can tell you the other side is being female and wanting or being ready to, ML and then not want to make the firsst move b/c you don't want the guy to think you are promiscuous. (Obviously just referrrig to dating and not inside a M). Sorry, but I thnk the burden of desire and pursuit is on the man, imho. I know that is sexist (I AM sexist...if it's convenient...isn't everyone?) and maybe unfair. But remember when you dated her, weren't you the one to make the first move?

I recall my H making moves when we dated and I remember saying "no" b/c I wasn't ready, etc. He didn't seem rejected, he just backed off and waited--not very long I might add--but it was exploratory on his part. We communicated back and forth physically and verbally, re: timing, feeling "love" etc. BUT I never felt pressure in the negative or unsafe sense, as I had felt with some guys who scare you b/c they don't take no for an answer. That can really be frightening. But my H did take no for an answer, and then later would "ask" again. Obviously the answer was yes, eventually. Truth be told, since he was respecting my answers, I liked the pursuit.

ONE suggestion re: making a "pass" at your wife is to keep it light AND passionate. You can playfullly tease her, compliment her sexually or about her beauty, and perhaps LEAVE it at that. ( EX. "are you wearing that to make me crazy?"... "I love it when you say/do that, but you already knew didn't you?" "It's hard for me to concentrate on"""" -(whatever it is you are doing)--""when you look soooo damn good""""" And etc.)...and making a comment such as "loving it when she does/says that..." is often really funny when used with a totally UNsexual matter. Like for instance, if she finds the missing remote control--"NOW THAT IS SOOO SEXY" or... after if she unintentionally slams a drawer/door shut, (not ON YOU) you could say "well, I see that now we're alone and you have trapped me....."

It's just a way she can Know you want her AT LEAST IN PART b/c she IS SEXY and Desirable, not just out of need for reassurance on your part, or bieng horny, etc. ..

It's about showing her you feel genuine (dare I say it, "manly"?) sexual desire for her, as well as loving desire.

If you use humor it feels safer and the "rejection" can be more easily blown off if it happens. But these are just ideas I'm throwing out.

You'll have opened the door, and all she needs to do is walk thru it. From MY POV, Your w is lucky to have a man like you. But we all need reminders of that or none of us would be here. wishing you good things-

j-