Quote: Surely, IAN--Someone Male out there---explain as only a man can, the difference between being an as----- in the name of masculinity, and being a "MAN".... it isn't that extreme, and it isn't really about power to me.
Well you know me 25, i dont back down from a challenge. LL, I also read your last post here so thats why I decided to go ahead and address this issue. Look, all this talk about what it means to be a man is very odd. IMHO it is defined within you. I can sit here and spew off all the ramblings of a secure male and talk about how I am able to express emotions and show my softer side. I can tell you that you dont have to yell and scream or beat anyone to show that you are a man. Thats all good and well, but the bottom line is that at almost 50 years old, you already know how.
Show your wife compassion, show her the real you, show her that you are secure enough to be emotional. You dont have to fight with her, you do have to be honest though. If she says something you disagree with or that upsets you, then tell her. In a nice way, tell her how it makes you feel. If it gets heated, that is up to you how far you take it. In reading about you I dont imagine you would take it too far. I would also say that you need to not bottle up, no that doesnt show that you are upset, it shows that you cannot trust your wife enough to express yourself. Quiet is not the answer, you can express anger without being angry.
I was also thinking about what you said about wanting her to want you. Let me just throw this out there and you do with it what you think you need to do. Your W keeps asking for you to take a stand, get upset, show her something she is needing to see, challenge her. Well give it a shot my man, give her what she is asking for. Next time she upsets you, let her have it emotionally, let her know that what she said or did hurt you and why, even let yourself get upset a bit externally and see if maybe that will stimulate her Sex Drive a little. Arguement sex can be a wonderful thing when it comes to drawing you near each other physically.
So anyway, bottom line is this, you being a man is about you and how you want to do it. Personally I think you are doing a great job already. Work on that being silent thing and open yourself up a little, but otherwise you have already shown her that you are more of a man then most others would be by standing by her and showing the incredible perseverance that you have show. You should be an inspiration to these guys that get on here and comlain after 3 months that its not better or fixed. I personally can tell you that I draw strength from seeing that there is another man on here who knows that he should stick with it until his mind and heart tell him to stop. I say good on you LL, good on you.
