Wow, how nice to have all of you in on this thread - thanks a bunch for all your comments. One in particular struck me, namely the one about being a man. Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that she wants a strong man, her man, as she is very strong herself (marathon runner, enjoys competitive sailing, best in her Swedish class, dominant in conversations, etc.) I am not particularly competitive (though I enjoy a competitive run, but more for the fun of the event), but could imagine running a marathon as a slap in the face of father time, before I turn 50 next December. She asked a while ago whether I was in training for one after I sneaked off again to weightlift. So the physically strong side is hopefully okay.
The more difficult thing is the personality part - what is a strong man in personality? Does it mean having conflicts? If so, about what (remember she said I never fight back)? That must sound stupid - it does on rereading -.
Any input on this front would be wonderful to have. She did tell me to say exactly what I believe, even if it offends people dear to you; I usually adapt to the situation and hold back. Is there a course in 'being a man'?
So she wants a guy who desires her sexually - well, I do and think she is beautiful - but my desire is very much a matter of her wanting me too, a chicken and egg deal. I mean, it sure would be nice to have her next to me in bed again, but she never touches me anymore (and she left our bed, not me). How do I signal that I still desire her? Tell her - no - that is dweebish - make a pass, touch her a bit longer than needed ?
Our date tonight got rescheduled - I both could not get the babysitter I had wanted and more importantly, one of our cats got injured last night, so we were at the hospital till late, and wound up instead tonight together just talking and preparing for the party. She glued paper feathers on a paper mache bird, and I made meatballs. The conversation was fine except for when she once objected to me using aluminum foil, which I threw away after cooking, instead using an unlined pan and then washing the pan out afterwards instead. I didn't think it was worth fighting about, but it did make me somewhat mad. In retrospect she was right, washing the pan was easier and didn't waste foil, but maybe I should have showed my anger (I stopped talking for a while after - is that enough showing anger?)
So the date will have to wait, which now seems possible as I may not need to go to the States after all in the next weeks. Our evenings together at home are pleasant and are progress forward - we didn't use to spend so much time just talking evenings in the last months. Maybe it is the pressure of the party and both of us having preparations to make for it, but the fact is we do spend time more together, which is maybe a good warmup to a real date. I'll choose to see it that way.
Thanks for all the good party wishes - (I took up cooking, by the way, as a way to keep myself busy during the first difficult time after she had left our bed. I thought it was good to contribute to the household (won't be accused of not helping with the housework) and we have to eat in any case, so why hot have fun and relax cooking?) It is nice to have the kitchen be mostly my domain, instead of the house being an expression of only her).
Anyway - wonderful to hear from you - the party is coming together and I'll report on that -
(sitting on the floor with a sewed-up cat on my legs, who is trying to get his funnel shaped lick preventer off, going on midnight)
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
