Hey LL, I have to tell you that this post form "Jane" is just about as big of a waste of reading as I have done in some time. First things first, the only one who judges your manhood is you. I could give a crap less if you want to plant tulips in your yard while wearing a tutu, if thats what you think you need to do then by all means do your thing.
Now I am obviously not fully aware of everything in your sitch, but I do know that it appears that you are trying to do the right things for you and your W to make your marriage work. That seems to me to be the whole point in being here. 1210 is right on track with her advice to you on being spontaneous with the W. You can throw her a little curveball by doing something off the cuff and surpsing her with a fun night out.
I also agree with you that the "roll in the hay" approach is not the way to go. As 1210 said, that part of your M is not the foundation for what will make your R a long lasting one. Bonding on a different level will lead to the intimacy that you desire when the time is right. For goodness sakes you dont want to take that roll in the hay before she's ready as it would set you back about a mile and a half now wouldnt it. I also think that the need for fighting is more about her telling you to stand up for yourself is all. She's not neccesarily looking for a brow beating here, she's saying don't let me walk all over you, tell me when I'm wrong. That's a pretty good thing for her to want.
Anyway, I mainly popped on because of how pissed old "Jane" got me with that post. Don't let some guy/girl with an obvious Alpha Male complex dictate how you should act or behave. Decide that for yourself based on the kind of man that you want to be. Only you can make those choices and folks here on these boards are supposed to support you in those decisions, not blast you with their own opiniated bullsh^t.
Hang in there LL, keep up the solid work and keep doing what you feel is the right things to do. You have 2 great support people in here looking out for you with 1210 and Whatisis that will definitely help you with the female perspective and sound advice for moving forward.
