No particular plans just now - she is very focused on her work for Japan - prefers that I take the kids to school, do errands, etc - this to maintain work focus. Now she has taken the kids to ballet and violin, a break she doesn't mind as she is getting tired.
For the DB thing, maybe a low key film/dinner in a nearby town next weekend is possible. (She by the way seemed pleased somehow, more open, though this is maybe a matter of interpretation, that I had suggested we do something together. There was a flower in a vase in my window this morning).
She made me mad just now - the car key wasn't where it was supposed to be - she 'were is the car key?', somewhat condescendingly and mock patiently, made me feel like an idiot. Not sure how to react - she did complain that I never fight back - it is a small thing, but quite irritating.
Please don't get mad...that flower incident was major!!! She's telling you that she loves you!!!!! She seems like a perfectionist with a lot of stress going on right now due to her project she's working on.
My sister is a graphic artist too. She is really a person of great visual articulation. Your W seems the same.
That flower means a lot...
Her "tiff" over the key was nothing at all, not even meant to hurt you; she was frustrated, that's all.
How about the next time you see her working intently at her desk; walk in and say: "I know what you need right now" and go behind her and gently start giving her a neck massage for a few minutes? Then, leave and get her some tea, or coffee or wine.
Also, the next time you shop, buy some lavender potpourri or lavender scented candles and put around the house. It's very calming and smells delightful.
Keep being as you are, listening and validating her. She has seen a change in you...she notices it. This is very, very, very good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That flower means a lot...things she cannot even say yet. She seems to communicate alot by leaving little hints around you. Keep your eyes open...she's talking, just not with words yet. Those will come later.
My friend, this is working for you...very nicely, I might add. You may not think so, but from an outsiders viewpoint it is......................................................
Keep the faith...just hang in there...it's worth it!!!
Luke, if my W left me a flower I'd be doing back flips on the driveway (and the sick days required to recover from those backflips would be well worth it). You are getting somewhere,my friend.
Yes, there is an occasional softening happening, pleasant for a change. She is off printing again (for the show in Japan), so i have a bit of time to analyze and plan the next steps. Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement.
An important thing seems to be the kind and size of gestures - the flower cost nothing and was a surprise and nicely small - big stuff seems out of step now. I'd like to return the gesture in kind, but not via a flower, and with the same surprise value, not a material thing, something small, but meaningful. Don't know what this could be though.
The neck rub thing is I think too big. Physical contact, which there is none of just now, seems like the last frontier to me (plus she doesn't like massage), and a different way seems better. Any suggestions? Doing one of her chores, such as laundry, also seems wrong - intrusive - .
On the fun front, I had a "make use of what you have" idea. How about overnighting in his and her igloos, when the (right kind of) snow finally falls here? We spent a few weekends winter camping during our courtship long ago, a neat experience (darn cold, but more reason to snuggle... the blackness outside felt primitively threatening... great to wake at first light the next morning) - if this actually were to work (I've never built an igloo) then we could maybe even return with the kids the next weekend. Sweden is good for this kind of stuff (nearly all land is public, and you can camp on it if you don't hurt anything).
Can you think of small, not too material, love gestures?
Still weirdly warm (50) here - hundreds of fish were jumping in the local harbor yesterday at 7am, spreading rings of waves everywhere, never seen anything like it -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
When she goes to Japan, will she take luggage or a briefcase?
How about a little note left inside luggage telling her goodluck with the project presentation? Short and sweet with no lovey-dovey talk. Tie the envelope with a fabric ribbon. Or if she likes a certain candy - hide a little bag in her handbag - no boxed chocolates, nothing like that........let her find it when she is away!
Those are great ideas - thanks - I like the "if you find this" character of them, kind of like her original affair love letter idea. It will be a a bit tricky to implement as she leaves after we do and tends to pack at the last minute, but maybe some subtle steering can be done...
I had another idea for a surprise, though a long term one, namely to plant bulbs now, while she is gone, that come up in the spring. We have a 5 day window of opportunity while she is still in Japan.
It turned out to be mint chocolate chip ice cream last night, her favorite.
She got up at 4am this morning to work, and will probably continue in the same vein until she leaves for Japan. I wonder if this presents an opportunity to surprise her?
How about sending flowers to a hotel she is staying at in Japan, say after the show?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
