Well, I asked over lunch if she was doing anything Saturday night, and she asked 'what would that be? A movie?" I said, no, something else, she asked again, I said not to wonder, I would take care of it. She then wanted to know when on Saturday, I said starting about 7pm, she mulled it over a bit and didn't seem against it, but said, no, it would be better after her exhibition in Japan, from which she returns Nov. 10.
Shucks - so the cat is a bit out of the bag - she knows that I am interested in taking her out - but on hold. It somehow doesn't seem quite as exciting to do smaller stuff (I'd been aiming at dinner in a neat restaurant in Stockholm, (you can see it in the movie "The Prize", in the elevator scene) followed by overnighting on a yacht).
It seems important to get away from both the kids and the house. Maybe a more local dinner and movie will do? The three important elements here seem to be surprise, difference from the usual routine, and maybe somehow flattering her pride?
Back for a bit to the drawing board - ideas of a smaller scale needed -
Luke
ps. wore a new shirt that I'd secretly bought myself this morning, producing mild surprise. This after she disappeared for a while outside last night, presumably to talk to OM on her cell phone, making me mad and jealous, which I hid. More pushback needed.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Good to hear from you - at the 60 good/40 bad level just now, to answer your question. How are you?
She is gone to Swedish lessons, and was friendly enough before leaving, suggesting videos she would like to see (we maybe once a month watch a film at home together). Tonight we are having friends over for dinner, so at least we do things together, though not just the two of us (yet...) Wonder why she/we can take the time to see friends tonight - involving cooking ahead of time - and not spend maybe the same length of time with each other instead?
She leaves for Japan on the 30th, and the kids and I leave for fall break in Turkey on the 28th. She's back 5 days after us, at which point I probably need to immediately scoot to the US for work. Just now it does seem like we won't see each other much until at least mid-November...
Can a small good thing be the simple fact that she and I are talking? There is a saying in German that you have time for what you love - maybe her simply recounting everyday stuff to me is good in itself? Maybe time spent together (doing things, not just working in adjoining rooms) is a good measure for relationship health?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
I just have a question - I guess I'm not getting it. Why are you wanting to build her up before you confront her about her affair? How can you stand to look at her knowing what's been going on? And that she continues to talk to him? I'm not trying to be rude - I really just don't get it.......thanks and I'm sorry for what you're going through.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Quote: Maybe time spent together (doing things, not just working in adjoining rooms) is a good measure for relationship health?
From my own recent, and past experience, this is 100% true. I used to be upstairs while my W was downstairs most of the time. Now, since I realized that just being "around" makes a positive difference, I spend much more time just in the same room with her and things are a LOT better.
Sorry for the tardy reply - busy weekend - the idea is the carrot and stick theory - with the stick only used if needed. I plan on being positive, divorcebusting, for a few months and watching the responses, and then, if really needed, having a serious talk (the stick). February next year is three years of no physical contact, near Valentine's, and also when she will presumably be putting seeds in indoors to germinate for next summer (a good indication of if there is a future), so that might be a possible time.
Hopefully she will see that there is good in our marriage (the carrot) and the emotional pipecleaning will have a positive flavor also. Not sure if things really work that way -
We are friendily talking, her body language is softening very occasionally (not so much crossed arms body blocking when she is in the same room, often the kitchen, with me)
Baby steps -
First snow maybe Thursday - getting dark earlier and earlier - ugh -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
