Luke,
What about sitting down with her to discuss your R. Give her a chance to "confess". Tell her you are concerned about the last couple of years (lack of intimacy) and want to work towards changing that sitch. You could bring up the "Amber Brown" book and inquire as to why your daughter would be reading this? I'm not big on confronting and demanding without trying to go through the back door first BUT I could be wrong. Friends used to ask me whether I thought my W was having an A with her "friend" and I would say "I don't know, what does it matter, either way I've got work to do to save the M. It's the same work, A or not" Maybe, I just didn't want to know so my sitch was dif. You know now and that is a big burden to carry around. My concern is that ultimatums too early can just destroy any chance of working on the M. Again, what do I know, but I'll be devil's advocate here. It would appear your M sucks and has for a long time. There's much that can be done. Is a confrontation and ultimatum the way to go here? I guess, only you can know what works best for you. But make that decision based on logic and not hurt emotion. Thaaaaaat's all folks!
Just for the record, I am presently considering making an ultimatum myself, so I am not completely opposed to the idea, I'm just uncomfortable with it being a first choice.
