My wife has been having a very infrequent affair (he lives in another country) affair, which I discovered after a note she gave me in June had a love letter to him written on the back. I am not sure this 'mistake' was intentional, but it well could be. As you can imagine, this was a major downer, but maybe offers an opening for dialog.
I'd like to get some advice on whether you think it would be good to confront her about this. Do you think a confrontation would be productive, and bring us closer or be just another step on the road to the bitter end? Just before we got married she had a one night stand, which I walked in and then immediately out on, and the overall effect was positive, with her begging for forgiveness later that day and us being married 20 years.
She said last time we really talked that she wants a stronger me - perhaps a confrontation offers such a chance? I could say that an affair is neither fair nor okay with me, but then can't see what to say after - that she should move out (which I don;t want)? That divorce is the only option now? It would be great to drain her negative feelings.
We have not shared a bed or touched in 2-1/2 years, but still have pleasant enough talks and still live together (with our 2 kids, 8 and 12). The LRT - my constant refrain - says never to have relationship talks, be easy and cheerful, make no demands, all of which speak against a confrontation. Which is right? How can I show her a 'stronger' me when arguments are not 'easy'?
Another piece to this puzzle was a new book that recently turned up on my daughter's bedside chair ('Amber Brown wants extra credit') whose goal is to make kids comfortable with the idea of a new boyfriend for a divorced mom. Is this yet another message, like the note? If so, how should I respond? I am tempted to refuse to read the book to my daughter on the grounds that it is a 'girls' book' that my wife should read.
My wife leaves for Germany tomorrow (where OM lives) for maybe 5 days; I'll try and surprise her with something while she is gone, something to make her proud (she is a proud person). My tempation is to counterbalance the confrontation - caused by the note that I find while cleaning my office in her absence - (quite possibly a negative event) with something positive (the pride thing). Maybe instead of books this Christmas I'll take her clothes shopping and tell her how beautiful she is then, which she is.
Lots of questions - most grateful for any answers or advice - greetings from a foggy Scandinavia -
Lucky Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
