I really like the one Deida book I have read (Blue Truth) and the book on DVD that I have listened to. The thing about him is not to overanalyze. What he has to say just resonates with me. It just feels true. It is as if it speaks to the central core of who I am as a woman and when I apply it to my longest running relationships I can see some of the dynamics at work. If I look at my prior M, I can acknowledge that it wasn't just that my ex-H treated me like sh*t, or that he had a substance issue, or even that he had a psychiatric issue. It was that he was willing to throw away what he had espoused as his "life's purpose" for our entire relationship in favor of becoming a perennial "patient." He had weakened in my eyes. When that happened it put his treatment of me in perspective as another example of his own weakness too. Anyway, just my .02 cents. Deida is one of just a few that simply resonate with me on a level that is different than your typical marriage manual where it says, "Guys are guys and women are women, learn the differences and ye shall be happy", it is talking specifically about intimacy and the essence of the two people involved on a level that is about lots more than "Guys need to go into their cave and girls cry a lot." Deida also allows for the times when people don't fit the sterotype - I like that. Good luck with it. I think you have gone a long way toward that kind of style with BB in the last year or so. You are much less prone to bend yourself out of shape to please her test of the day, you have "led" her in the bedroom with some of the PBTS type interactions and you have stopped apologizing for every little thing. Hang in there Lou.
