Is it me or is it my unconscious

[cinemanymph]

Lou,
what's PMA?

[Lillieperl]

Sorry, cine... I thought you were part of the convos when the board got into the Enneagram a few months ago. I identify with you so much, I assumed you were the same type as me-- a 4. Karen, IHJ, and I are 4's. Fours are the artistic, romantic, spiritual, moody, sensitive points of the Enneagram. Sorry for speaking in shorthand.

Interesting how you automatically dismissed the entire personality classification system (that you know nothing about) because of MY lame way of alluding to something that I thought you were aware of.

This is almost exactly what happened when I first mentioned the Sarno system... someone (I forget who) dismissed it because of the lame way *I* presented it.

Here's some very basic, minimal info on the Enneagram Four .

Bear in mind that many books have been written on this system, and the presentation on this web site is relatively shallow. I personally own at least a dozen books on the Enneagram and after years of reading about it (and I'm certainly no expert), I found a book earlier this year that was the best one of all... and it's out of print. I had to order it from a used book store.

Kind of like there's a lot more to the back pain issue than either the surgeon OR John Sarno know. Someone with back pain owes it to him/herself to investigate thoroughly and take no one's word for it until s/he is satisfied that s/he feels informed enough to know what to do.

Hmmm... is there a moral to this tale? Yes, I believe the lesson is to go to the Original Source before dissing something. Once you know WHAT you are dissing, then assess its credibility for yourself and if it fails the smell test, then diss away.

[OG_Lou]

cinemanymph. PMA stands for "Positive Mental Attitude"

When I get one of my once a year to once every 5 year episodes that takes me out of commission for a couple of weeks, some things become overwhelming that shouldn't be, that weren't a month ago.

I switch from a "lets figure this out" to having an attitude that the task/job is over complicated and my frustration tolerance level drops to where what I am working on causes me to avoid many logical steps to a reasonable conclusion.

I get stuck in a place where I should move on or quit. I just sort of sit there, not wanting to decide, should I put more effort in the task or is putting more effort in a task just a waste of time and money.

With more PMA, I can continue a path of logic better and if that path leads me to see something is not worth working on or repairing, I am OK. If it takes more resources to have a reasonably good outcome IE more expensive than normal in time, money, pride, then I am OK when I have a better PMA.

When my PMA is down, sometimes I don't like even opening some bills. I don't pursue a conclusion to a serious printer problem thinking " "The customer won't want it fixed so why bother with an extensive evaluation." Then there is the problem of parts costing more than a new printer. That is a big hurdle in my business and the seemingly unfairness of over priced parts really hits my sense of fairness and takes away from my PMA.

Something similar happens when it comes to troubled relationships.
I get into this mind frame that short of just bailing, not much is going to change.

I guess I need to believe what I tell others, Life isn't always fair.

Lou

[cinemanymph]

Lou,

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

When my PMA is down, sometimes I don't like even opening some bills. I don't pursue a conclusion to a serious printer problem thinking " "The customer won't want it fixed so why bother with an extensive evaluation." Then there is the problem of parts costing more than a new printer. That is a big hurdle in my business and the seemingly unfairness of over priced parts really hits my sense of fairness and takes away from my PMA.

Something similar happens when it comes to troubled relationships.
I get into this mind frame that short of just bailing, not much is going to change.

I can understand how this happens. I heard somewhere that it is easy to feel great when you are winning, but when you are losing is when you really need a positive attitude. It has always stuck with me, even though I haven't figured how to put it into practice. Maybe you have a few ideas?

[cinemanymph]

Lil,

Though most of the ennegram stuff I read rings true for myself, I am more than those attributes. I believe people are multifaceted and at any given time can fit different profiles. I think just about everyone, with the exception of those with extreme disabilities, is capable of fiting different profiles at any given time.

I usually edit my b!tchy comments, but for whatever reason this AM I let one fly. My apologies if I offended you, Lil.

[Lillieperl]

My apolgies too if I overreacted.

The enneagram is an extremely deep and comprehensive system that has its roots in Sufi and Buddhist thought. The little that we discussed here about "personality quirks" barely scratches the surface of its wisdom. It's a lot more than a system of classifying personalities.

[cinemanymph]

Re: ennegrams, more research on my part is required.

[OG_Lou]

Lil, cine. I have completed the short, free ennegram test a couple of times and my scores change a little depending on ?????? I guess my frame of mind. I am generally in the same groups, just a little higher or lower.

I understand the simple ideas behind the ennegram process but haven't gotten to a place where I can use people's classifications to make relationships go smoother/avoid problems, in particular my R with BB.

Lil, the book you like the best, is it for beginners and what is the title, author, date of publishing?

Lou

[Lillieperl]

It's called The Enneagram of Liberation by Eli Jaxon-Bear. I think you had it on your radar at one time.

The bottom line of the enneagram is not relationship fixing-- it's understanding our own masks and the fog we put between us and the reality of the unity of all things (nonduality-- google on that word for a real Trip).

It can HELP us understand where others are coming from, and it is used this way, but that's not the ultimate orientation.

[OG_Lou]

I was about to move to the other bedroom, was getting to feel like nothing much is going to change. I did some GAL activities but they didn't solve any problems for me.

The sex part of the R is going down hill. I put in a new leaded, oval glass window door that BB has been wanting for 2 years. Nothing wrong with the old door but I got tired of the talk about the door and thought if she wants something that bad, why not do it.

Door's in now BB is still talking about the patio-home she wants. She is talking like we will be cripples in a couple of years and will have to have everything on one floor and won't be able to do yard work. I guess that line of thinking goes along with reading the obituaries first thing almost everyday. Maybe i better not try to psychoanalyze anyone. I can't do a good job on myself, so why should I expect to know how anyone else thinks.

Short version, I made a MC appointment and BB said she will go.

Her reason for going so far are:
Too much inventory in the basement and garage.
Too many cars.
She is too old for sex.

So I have some things to go on and work with.

My reasons for going:
I feel like we aren't going the same direction.
There is too much distance in the R.
We don't share common goals and very few interests.
Sometimes I wonder if we are just making each other unhappy.

I am trying not to post very often as I don't know where things are going in our R.

I am reading Snarch's "Resurrecting Sex" why, I don't know why, as more and more clues point to BB wanting to and needing to end our sexual R. Oh well, I am getting some self-esteem tips from the book so I will finish it.

Lil, I suppose you know about these ED resources.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/supportEDpartners/

http://www.andrology.com/partnerofEDsufferer.htm

male depression and acting out
http://fortysixty.invisionzone.com/index.php?showtopic=566

There is some other things about men that "might" interest you at http://fortysixty.invisionzone.com/

I have been reading cobra's new thread and thinking about his comment, how few poster's R's have improved. If this book stuff is so good, why are we still here. Nothing against books BTW, it is that maybe we don't push hard enough with in the R. Like Snarch, said, wanting to stay in a comfort zone at the expense of growth.

I read two of Sarno's books about pain. some truths, some strange ideas. I am about over my back spasms/pain and working all day now.

Back to work for me.

Lou