Quote: Non-combative in word choice, but VERY combative in terms of persistence. She in general doesn't stop until she gets her way.
"I appreciate your perspective/opinion, but I would rather not discuss this any more."
Boundary: "I no longer want to continue this conversation, if you continue I will have to leave (or you will have to leave)."
Quote: I guess what I was doing was P/A behavior myself. I was hoping to hear my W take my side. I should stop hoping and wishing other people would do certain things and start doing what I can myself.
Yeah, it would be nice if you and your wife presented a solidified front.
Even if your wife agreed with you, it would be entirely understandable if she (as did you) avoided the situation by acquiesing to mom. It sounds like your wife is also a conflict avoider. So, the two of you probably have some ingrained behaviors with which to deal.
People who have poor boundaries get emotionally prickly even over minor things. Because you (rhetorical you) start feeling walked over or attacked and you haven't the ability to address it at its current level. Instead you have an overreaction which can make you strident if you do respond to the minor issues. If you don't respond, there is a tendency to build a nice reservoir of pissed-off with each minor occurance until the dam breaks and everyone wonders what the heck is your problem. Or if you have learned to not express anger, the pissed-off gets turned back onto yourself as depression and/or self-denigration.
