In-Law Boundary

[chromosphere]

HP,

I do like the humor approach, especially in light of what I just posted to Corri. As it seems to be plain to me, I am escalating a simple "preference" situation to boundary status, one way I can defuse it in my own mind is to try to be light-hearted about it.

The downside of handling it this way is that it may take longer for her to realize that you are setting a boundary with her, than it would if you used brutally direct language.

Well, brutally direct language only serves to make MIL "go underground." I have seen FIL really put his foot down on something only to have her patiently "sap the walls" (for those of you who know siege language) and get her way anyway.

However, it avoids the "what's up chrome's ass?" convo that she would no doubt have with your wife, later on.

I'll have to admit, given the convos she has within earshot of me, I do fear what she actually says behind my back. One thing I don't know if I've ever mentioned is that MIL didn't originally approve of my M to W. She felt like my W attached herself to me too quickly and should have dated around more. And then I made the mistake of not asking permission of her and FIL before I proposed. I was young and stupid and not aware of the southern traditions about such things. FIL also "didn't approve" at first, but I think he didn't approve because MIL would have made him pay if he didn't support her on that position. I wonder if some of MIL's activities are caused by left-over resentment toward me. Anyway, that is a tangent and probably not a fruitful one. Back to boundaries.

I doubt she means to meddle, it's just that a pattern was set early in in your R (by yourself and your wife) and it happens to be one MIL likes because it affords her a position of prominence in your lives.

That makes a lot of sense to me.

will have to have a smidge of aggressiveness in your voice; it can't be all laughs and giggles. I'm sure you kwim.

Yes I do. Pure light-heartedness is easy to dismiss.

Thanks HP
Chrome