I didn't say there were not potential boundary violations going on. I'm saying it is incumbent upon Chrome to state and then hold firm on those boundaries. He's hoping his MIL will change so he doesn't have to deal with the issue any more. That's control.
Quote: Say that Chrome’s mother is coming over often and commenting to his W on her cooking, that she needs to feed the kids better, cook more variety, whatever. Now say W just ignores her
Good for her. That is a good boundary.
Quote: so MIL goes to Chrome to press her case. Then suppose that Chrome sympathizes with his mother (because he really wants his wife to cook better but is afraid to say so).
It is not hard to imagine the resentment that will build up in his wife in a fairly short period of time.
It is his wife's choice to feel resentment. If this type of scenario is unacceptable to his wife... a boundary... then she can state: "I am no longer willing to live in a marriage where your MIL continually meddles in our M."
If W is unwilling to leave the marriage, for whatever reason, over the issue, she can leave the home when the MIL comes over. The H feeling sorry for himself for not getting different meals is HIS problem, not hers. If the MIL wants to come over every night and fix the dinners herself... hey... great.
Quote: A counselor would jump all over Chrome, telling him to support his W and to tell his mother to back off and stop meddling.
Probably. But just because the C would state it doesn't mean the W and MIL will agree, or change. Does that make them wrong? Let's say... yeah. Now what? He's right, their wrong, and the B.S. continues. I'm sure Chrome will sleep better at night knowing he is right.
Quote: There is a sense of loyalty and betrayal involved here and Chrome would be violating that with his W. His allegiance would be to his mother and his W would sense that.
Yep. There sure would. Sad situation indeed. This has nothing to do with boundaries, however.
Quote: Chrome’s W is choosing her mother over Chrome, undermining his authority, his wishes as a husband and father, and allowing her mother to drive a wedge between them. It is a passive aggressive act on her part, letting her mother do the “dirty” work instead of confronting Chrome herself about an issue she may have.
So?
As a matter of opinion, I happen to agree with you. But opinions are opinions, and only that. Boundaries are what people use to define and defend their OWN integrity. I think it very sad the behaviors of Chrome's MIL and W. But Chrome is the only one who can stick up for himself FOR HIMSELF, not to control his W or his MIL.
