Cac, Cobra, and Corri ... (hmmm with Chrome that makes 4 C's)
We may be fleets crossing in the dark here. I think Corri's main point was how to treat the situation from BOUNDARY perspective. I don't want to speak for her, but she might agree with you both about the fact that this is an unhealthy amount of control by MIL (heck, the professional C agrees with that POV). The question is what do I do about it? How do I respond? Should I respond to control by being controlling myself? Is being controlling ever the right thing to do? I think these are important questions, and I think ILs are a fertile ground for such discussion.
Cac,
Well, not only is it MIL's former homestead, she and FIL currently live right across the road. When I mentioned this plan to my C, I almost got him to emit an excited utterance (of the form "are you nuts?!?). When I told him that I view this as a way of practicing my boundary control, he responded by saying "you like to put the treadmill next to your bed don't you?"
I am going into this with both eyes wide open. Financially this will put my family in a very good place as we are getting a good "family deal" on it. However, if after a set period of time it is clear that our M and family is suffering unduly because of the IL proximity, I will sell the house and move my family, and we will still have benefitted financially from the time we were there. I have made my intentions perfectly clear to my W.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
