Just keep hanging in there, or better yet, hanging on to Jesus and letting Him hang in there for you. It is painful and it doesn't make sense, but W is processing her R's, and as long as you are the on the Solid Rock, you'll be the one she comes back to. If you can take the ride, you'll end up with the prize. I'm convinced it will be worth it.
I'm still in the ride myself too - W says what is on her mind, even if it doesn't make sense or fit with what she said 15 minutes ago. And I mean that literally. W tried to start a fight about finances today about how she was not going to accept me writing her a check every month, she wanted her name added to my bank account. I didn't reply negatively, just politely stated my needs, and was finally able to excuse myself. I got my check book and went back upstairs and asked W how much money she needed from my current paycheck that I was going to drop off in the night deposit slot. W said $700 - so I wrote her a check for $800 and she said that was more than generous and she appreciated me. This was only a few minutes after she just got done telling me she was going to file for D if I didn't add her name to my bank account on Monday.
I can also emphathize with your dilema with OP. My W has yet to share the intimate details of her rendevous during our 4 month total separatation. I know she's going to, and I'm leaning on the Lord to carry me through them.
