Thanks for the thoughtful reply. It addresses some of the things that I do have to work on.
For instance, it is not so much that my wife didn't have fun with me, but I think I was a bit of a wet blanket on certain kinds of things she really enjoyed, especially those things that weren't "interesting" to me or that I thought were more "girlie". (For example, I would complain about watching certain kinds of films (you can imagine what type), and I'm a confirmed klutz on the dancefloor.)
So I see what you mean. I've been much more positive (without being pushy) about doing anything that my wife even vaguely suggests would be fun for her. So far, I think she's noticing that I'm not so much of a pain in the rear when it comes to doing things like going to the coffee shop more often.
However, I don't think the OP is "fun," but rather unintentionally endearing the way a one-eyed puppy can be. I suppose a certain kind of pathos is attractive to my wife, even though she says that she can see through it and recognize it as manipulation.
My real challenge (I think) is to be more open and vulnerable with her. And what a wonderful time to have that happen: if there ever was a time I felt most like that, it's now, but I realize too much might just push her away if it looks like neediness.
She keeps saying things like, "what a wonderful person you are." (She is very generous, by the way) The problem is that the particular kind of wonderfulness she needs is apparently in short supply in me. I think it is all the "soft" things that men usually fail to nurture in themselves.
Now, as for taking time for myself: I do. I'll sit down with a book or listen to music, basically abstracting from the rest of what's going on. Exercise usually gets me to thinking about my troubles until I push myself harder, at which point physical pain does its thing and I'm as mindless as a racehorse.
Thanks again for the support and advice. Now I'm waiting to see if anything precipitates out of the counseling today.
