I wanted to add some things. I don't know how to reconcile the following actions and statements.
(Perhaps someone will say that I'm thinking about it too much, but I believe that I should have insight into what's going on if I'm going to get through this.)
My wife says that she loves me, both as a run-of-the-mill kind of statement, like when we hang up the phone, and, more seriously, when I catch her staring at me or when we talk, or just when it comes from out of the blue.
She also says that she is in love with the OP.
She recognizes that I'm listening to her as she needs to be listened to. She thanks me for this, and for my understanding.
She also fears that this is simply a temporary front.
She has decided to break things off with OP more than twice. Each time, she has filled me in on information about his behavior that really makes me wonder why she is with him. For instance, he has really pushed her to basically accept that he will take over all the problems in her life. She is not the kind of person to do that.
She has gone back to the relationship with him more than once. She says that away from him, she feels something like a "hole" in herself.
She says that he is a lot like me. Frighteningly so. (After all the bad things she's said about him, this really makes me worry.)
She eagerly makes plans for us to do things together, like holidays, dinners, events, etc.
She doesn't seem to ever bring up longer-term plans, like what to do in the summer, etc.
She says that she could not imagine me not being in her life.
She says that she wants to "get past the hurt" and move forward with "getting over each other".
She has volunteered (I'm not sure how seriously) to work with me on what would be an immense and consuming undertaking.
She complains that she has given up her life for me and my concerns.
There are more, but I guess the picture is clear.
Insights?
(Please, no "alien abduction" explanations. I'd especially like to hear from women (and men) who have felt the same way and have come back to committing to their marriage.)
