I'd swear you were describing my R with my W while she was seeing OM.
Joint Marriage Counseling did help us, but the main help was W started seeing a very good individual counselor. Don't worry about what direction counseling will take W, the important thing is that she gets help. "Professional" help will help W feel better about herself, which will allow her to feel better about her R with you.
I got to a point where I could not help W anymore. what I did to help just made W feel all the more 'unworthy' of me. That didn't mean I stopped helping, but did make it more critical that W seek outside assistance. It will be better for you that she get 'professional' assistance, instead of relying on OM assistance, which is all she has now.
Start calling marriage counselors today. I went to an AGAPE counselling center, which also had individual counselors. Our MC recommended W start seeing an individual C that was also at the center, which was probably the best thing that happened out of our MC.
