I am new to all of this. Have read both your books (at least 10 times each!!) and found them very helpful. Been together 10 years, married 5, blended family no kids living with us. He left 3 months ago and told me he wanted his quiet and independence. My problem is that we never fought and he has always been a closed book. He has never shown emotion, whether it is excitement or sadness. He is impossible to read. Even his mom says the same. The only tine we would have R talks is when I brought them up, but at the end he told me that he resented me being aggressive!! whatever that meant.
We are going to joint counselling. He said he would go on his own, but only went once and has never been back. I am going on my own and trying to do what you suggest. We are seeing each other once a week at the suggestion of our counsellor - she says to transition him back home. I am not sure if he is doing this because he thinks he should or because he wants to because he never talks about anything.
He knows our friends and his family love me and cannot believe that this has happened. They all thought we were the happiest couple in the world (and so did I), and I didn't have my head in the sand. I knew he was unhappy but thought it was about his job and his lack of a relationship with his kids. Although when he left he told me it was about my job and my kids (as they are in our life and that hurts him because his aren't).
My question is I am not sure what to do. I still feel as if I am doing all the initating, but he seems to be going along with it (but that bothers me). We have made plans to spend Christmas together at his families home. That means a 6 hour drive both ways and 4 days together at their home.
All your suggestions for LRT don't seem to fit with us, and I am not sure what to try. I want him to initiate things, but I also know that he has NEVER done it before. Our counsellor has told me that if I distance he will distance even more because he will feel abandoned? I am at a loss as to how to get him to wake and up realize what he is losing. Any suggestions?
