I know exactly what you mean about wondering why they didn't come to you and just sit you down. I wondered the same thing about my wife. She has yet to admit she had an emotional affair but thats exactly what it was. I think that by the time you realize that they are looking for help, they feel they have already done everything they could to get their point across to you. At this point they build up a "wall" between you and them in order to protect themselves. Kinda like a self defense mechanism. I kick myself everyday for not seing the signs my wife was sending. It all boils down to communication.
