Changing their minds?

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

I agree the no contact suggestion except for legal and children items.

Does hoping against hope raise expetations?
What happens when expetations are dashed?
How does this impact the kids?
Did you expend $$s, emotions, and time in pursuit?
If so what can you do different?
Dancing Lessons?
Scout leader? and so on.

[mlchris2]

I agree the no contact suggestion except for legal and children items.

Does hoping against hope raise expetations?
What happens when expetations are dashed?
How does this impact the kids?
Did you expend $$s, emotions, and time in pursuit?
If so what can you do different?
Dancing Lessons?
Scout leader? and so on.

Yes, hoping agains hope raises my expectations. I think if I stick to the divorce busting guidelines and what I know about the true woman my EW is... one day I think we could get past this. But when I get hope, I end up acting on it and placing myself in a situation that does me no good.

In regards to the kids, they are young and dont really know whats going on. They see a new man (EW live in BF) with mommy. they spend 90% of their day with them. I get them every other weekend and maybe 2 days a week. I hear "I want my mommy or I miss my mommy and BF". It sucks and hurts me deep.

I dont spend money in pursuit. I am done with that. During the first several months of seperation, I sent her flowers almost every week. Emotions... I hurt so much that when I cry... there's no tears, just alot of heartache and sadness.

Im trying to leave things alone. my EW knows how I feel about her and what I want. It seems she's all involved in this new found BF that is kissing her ass and living a fake life, that she doesnt see whats going. I've joined a bowling leage, soccer league. I dont want to date. I hate the bar scene. I am trying to find people to hang out with to try and keep my mind in something else and let things pass.

One thing I forgot to mention and I really dont know what to do... I still talk with her family and extended family everyday. My parents divorced after I got married and they both went crazy. my EW parents took me in from day one like a son. I love and care for my mother and father (thats what I call them) regardless of the status of my EW and I. I've talked to them and they dont want the situation to ruin my relationship with them. At first my EW didnt come around at all.... now, even though all her family have approached her and told her they disapprove of what she is doing and how she's living, they've all come to terms (I guess you could say) with what is going on. Its really weird... we dont say anything about it, but we all konw what each other is thinking. Now the EW is comming around more and bringing the BF, it hurts me even more. I used mom and dads house as a escape, now I cant. So now to my point, do I cut the tie with the Ex-family, be friends, but no longer family? I'd like your opinions.

[alamogirl]

Please excuse me for butting in but it seems like there is a lot of friendly dialogue here, which I need right now .

Today, during counseling, my WAH told me that he was thinking more and more about filing for divorce. OUCH! We've been married 12 years, separated for the last 5 months (3 Jun 06).

We just grew apart. I knew there were problems, but I just thought they would work themselves out. We were so close. I just couldn't picture us splitting up.

After my H said that he was leaning towards a divorce, he said something like maybe we can work on our relationship after the divorce...HUH? What the heck for?

I think he's going through MLC. He's 43, unemployed FT college student. He stuck by me when I was getting my degree. He told the counselor that he wants to concentrate on school without distractions.

I do have to admit that our sex life was non-existent for the last 2-3 years. As a matter of fact, he gave that as a reason for leaving. The more I look at our situation, the more I realize that it was an excuse. Otherwise, don't you think he would be willing to give us another chance? He told me that there isn't anyone else, and I never saw any signs that he had someone. He still appears to not have anyone because he's almost always available when I need something. I'm now trying to do things for myself. It's going to be hard because I suffer from back pain. I always depended on him to do the "heavy" work.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and I hope we can continue our dialogue.

alamogirl