newbie to this site... read the DB book and tried like hell to implement the principles, but the D happened.
I have been browsing the boards for a few days now and I want to add my two cents on this post. As I read, I kept asking myself... am I the only one who's wife up and left becuase of issues that could easliy be worked out, went and started this rebound relationship with the first guy she came across, believes she's in love and now I sit and wonder if there ever will be "us" again..... No, I'm not the only one. This post is all about the guy leaving the wife and how the guy is a total pile, etc.... these posts I hardly see the men talking about how their EW left them and are being stupid, etc.
I'm interested to find out from women, why my wife feels the way she does, whats possibly going through her mind and why she isnt opening up to the fact that we really didnt try to repair, we just sat back for years and waited... I know you dont have the answers, some closure would help though.
I'm struggling right now wondering "what if or when". I'm trying to move on. Trying to be nice, but its hard to be nice when someones ripped your heart out and stommped it in the dirt. I'm also struggling with why my EW has done a total 180. Long story short (probably similar to most), she started drinking and partying more (never liked to before), she started smoking( hated smoking), she got stupid with money (used to be conservtive), lies all the time(used to not), gets upset at the kids(never used to), doesnt talk to or visit family or old friends(used to call and visit everyday). She thinks she has done nothing wrong in the marriage and is doing nothing wrong now or hasnt changed. Can someone help me understand what the *@!% is going on with her?
We've all read the DB book. Is the best thing I can do is follow the DB rules, even though were divorced and do things for myself and my kids? Do I take those feelings of love and caring for her and put them in a box and forget about them and maybe one day she'll come around asking for forgivness?
Another thing I am struggling with is our divorce papers are cut and dry... but we have decided on our own on a few things that "would help each other out". Example, I pay for the car she drives, cause she cant afford it and she needs it for the kids. Well as I progress through the divorce, It's becomming more apparent that I need to seperate myself from her, in order to harbor the strong feelings I still have. Would it help in getting her back if I continue to "Help" her in the situation or am I better off, letting her feel the full effects of the D?
I appriciate you letting me rant and get some answers.
