I've read that the spouses will go through a period of doubting their divorce. Has anyone seen this? I hate to say that I'm hoping the other side of the big D will bring H back to me, but it seems that may be the case. Has anyone heard of this?
Me-32
H-40
M-8 years
5 kids, d16, d13,s5,s5,s2
bomb 6/11/06
H filed for D 6/27/06
I have now been D 4 months and have yet to hear anything from XW that seems to even have anything to do with a second thought of "could this be wrong?" or any kind of doubting.
No...My XH and I went through the big D and he never looked back. This was 6 months ago. I went to see him at work once and he said that I'll never know how much he loved me. Well, let's see...we got D, he does not communicate to me anymore...I guess the picture is real clear.
They do have second thoughts, but once the papers are filed - usually they proceed. To get M is easy, to get D is a lot harder and expensive.
So what kind of craziness is that? You'll never know how much I loved you...?? So to show you how much I love you I'm going to D you?? ok. Yeah he sounds crazy like my H. What is wrong with them when they get to this state??
Quote: To get M is easy, to get D is a lot harder and expensive.
I am not sure I agree with this. In Michigan, with no fault divorce it is pretty easy to just toss your family aside. There are really no consequences because no one is "at fault". Yes it is expensive but my H was able to walk away from his responsibility for $500. I, on the other hand, had to pay $1500 to be sure that he didn't just dump all the responsibility on me and walk aways making over twice as much as I do and only paying a small portion for child support for a couple of years and losing half of his 401K. The house which he hasn't taken responsibility for maintaining for probably 3+ years he was more than willing to lose and the day to day parenting just reminds him of his age, so being a parent was relinquished, too.
I am not sure we would know if they did have doubts. Their pride would not let them let anyone know if they did have doubts after the D.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I've got one even better. The night before the moving van came to move me into an apartment; we ML (actually, I faked it - too upset) and after H said, don't think this will change my mind. What was that - guilt? I think so!!!!
When I read your information, you sound like me: Blonde, 5 ft. 7 in., 120 lbs. But I have a question for you... why didn't your H ask you if there were things that you liked to do and he would join you in doing them? Why not do your interests - not just his. Personally, some of the stuff he wanted to do, I wouldn't either. It sounds like that was the only thing he had to complain about. What an excuse.
Forgive me, but I think he found someone new. You know that you will come across as the villan in this to OW. And, there will always be someone to console the H.
I know my H had OW. The night I moved, I went back in my car and saw my IL's there at our house and there was the OW. I could see them in the livingroom windows. It really pissed me off - but I left. I just think that some H's don't have the guts to admit it - in fear of hurting us. But the damage has been done...here in my home another woman is there. That takes a lot of balls. But maybe things will change after the romance cools. Maybe Ow won't look so good...who knows. All I know is that I was his first choice...she is his second...that will never change.
Florida is no fault as well. My H tried to jack up prices on things he did to our house. He filed, he paid. My parents are both lawyers so I didn't get screwed. I agree with you on the pride issue.
yeah all those things are just excuses. I'm sure he does have someone else...but we live in a small town and haven't seen or heard anything yet and it's been 6 months. She must be hiding out really well. My lawyer has asked for his cell phone and home phone records from the past 12 months so I know those will show something. Yeah I've got guys that look at me and go "he's not attracted to you and can't have sex with you? He's either got somebody or he's gay." haha. I don't know. But your right...I asked him "If you wanted me to do all those things with you...why didn't you want to do anything I was interested in?" He just said "I don't like what you do." Being an ass. I just wish he would come out and say he has somebody else...and I could find closure with that. But he doesn't. My attorney is asking for half of everything from him and he is freaking out. I hate to fight him, but I have to show him that he can't just toss me aside without paying a price ya know? this will teach him a lesson if anything. I wish he would just come out and tell the truth. I've tried to prepare myself that he does have someone, but I don't think it will fully hit me until I actually know. And i wonder...what is so great about her? Does she ride horses and hunt and fish with him?? haha. Most girls don't do all those things unless she is a tomboy or real country girl. I'm a country girl, but also classy. He wants a classy girl that will also do "man things"....crazy. I know it's all excuses though. don't you hate it that they give you these dumb excuses?
I hope to God that your lawyer finds something in the phone records...then it will be interesting to see what he says and does. He will be squirming like a worm on a fish hook.
When you go to the mediation - look sensational, not too sexy, but really good. Get your stuffed laid out the night before so you won't rush yourself. Do a great job with the hair and makeup. If possible, wear something he has not seen you in before. When you go in remain calm and upbeat. Don't let him get the upper hand over you. You'll look at him in a different light and probably not recognize him.
BUT>>>
Do not let him sweet talk you out of what you deserve. ...you'll kick yourself for being too kind.
I wish I had forced my X to sell the house, especially since she moved in. He paid me off, but in a few years that house will bring in some really serious cash.
When and if it gets tough, always be a lady...don't cry, raise your voice, or be scared. It is a business now. Being too kind with the community property at this point will not bring him back. If he wants to come back at a later time in the future, you get one household account; then everything will be together again. But if XH does not come back - TRUST ME, PLEASE!!!!you will regret later that you gave up more to him than he deserves on an empty possibilty that he "MIGHT" some day come back.
I really hope things work out for you...I love happy endings - but sometimes it doesn't happen and we have to be prepared.
Let him wonder what you are doing now - but don't tell him. Let him look at you and wonder why you don't look like a train wreck. Let him wonder why you look so happy. Let him wonder why this hasn't made you into melted swiss cheese. Just let him wonder...
When it's over, thank the mediator, smile and if you agree on everything, smile and wish the XH well, walk out with your head held high and don't let anyone see any reaction other than happiness from you. Then, if you are upset, wait until you get into the car and pull away before you let out any anger or tears. Let him wonder why you feel like this D was the best thing that has ever happened to you.
I know exactly what your talking about my ex told all kinds of excuses and still does. The latest was why he moved in with the women he had the 3-1/2 year affair and helped take my kids dad away. He said it was financial reasons. But I know better b/c if that was the case why would she move from a run down bad nieghborhood paying probably 400 or less a month to a decent neighborhood and pay 700 or 800 a month if it was not planned and why else would she let him have her apart. if my kids want to come and spend the night which they don't want to but she would leave and go elswhere so they would come and he would take all the pictures of them down so the kids wouldn't see them. If you ask me shes just desperate to have a man. But he also tells me that hes not saying we won't ever be together again and hes affraid someone will replace him well I told him that I would replace him but as far as a father thats upto him on how good a dad is . He also told me that he is going to be with someone other than her and that he probably would not marry again well I'm not sure if it's guilt or an ego but ither way I don't let it effect me.I continue to take care of my kids and me and what ever happens-happens. thanks for letting me reply and a respomse would be great thankls again Joa.
