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[IAMCANADIAN]

Thanks Michele.<P>Cooling off is what I'm doing along with going out with friends and just trying to be happy.

<P>I'm glad I can come here and share with you and others. This is an amazing place. Thanks.



Hi Michele,<P>I've just returned from my therapy sesson. We<BR>will meet again on Monday afternoon. Reasons will be clear in a minute.
<P>It's evident that from October 2000 to August of this year W has been saying one thing and her actions have been very different. All of which has been confusing<BR>for me. But, as of August the sex stopped. She moved downstairs. And her most recent action, a separation proposal is consistent with what she has been saying for the last year. Finally some consistency. But, it also signals the possible end of our marriage. <P>With regards to the police and 911 I need to exercise extreme caution when I'm around W. The worst case scenario is that she calls the police again and files criminal action. That would mean a restraining order and getting booted out of our house. Not to mention a criminal record. So I need to work out a controlled separation (CS) agreement<BR>with wife that fits our economic situation, which is not the best. BW, there was no physical or verbal abuse that caused her to call police. She merely needed an incident.<P>My therapist, acting both as lawyer and therapist, recommends that I write a counter proposal for a CS of 12 months. Mediation, which the W proposed, is a non-starter. In fact the mediators that W recommended both work for her lawyer. Moving out by December 1st of this year (her proposal) is also a non-starter unless W's prepared to keep me off Social Assistance.
Not likely to happen. My therapist and I will meet<BR>on Monday to review the counter proposal I'm going to write this weekend..<P>Twelve months means that at the end of that time frame W can immediately obtain a divorce. It will also give me sufficient time to organize my affairs as well as find a full-time job.<P>The CS shall propose two separate living arrangements under one roof. We'll have to negotiate the logistics of who can be where/when in the house. It'll also mean<BR>I will have to bite the bullet if she wants to have OM join her in her space. Obviously, hot and heavy sex with other people isn't in the cards for either of us.

We'll propose separate phone lines, that sort of thing. Basically, it'll be two strangers<BR>living under the same roof. <P>Having this written agreement should protect me in the future event that she calls 911. If I should move her garbage can back to her side of the house and she gets pissy, calls the cops I should be OK. My therapist tells me the police are used to that sort of behavior. Needless to say I'll have to watch my P's and Q's.<P>To ensure that the next 12 months are not pure hell for either of us, we'll propose some joint communications couselling. Hopefully we can find someone who is pro-marriage and SBT trained.<P>Now before you all get weepy-eyed on me... I'm OK with this. Naturally I still would like nothing better than to spend my life with W but since that's not what she wants I need to move on. It'll just take a bit of<BR>time for me to find full-time work. <P>Most importantly I value the friendships that I've made here. I intend to stay a part of your lives for as long as you'll let me. You will always be a part of mine. <P>Michele, if you have any additional help with this CS proposal I need to write, or if you disagree with the strategy, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks.